I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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