Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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