why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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