im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I believe in your delicious
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
