remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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