I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize