You're so nebulous sometimes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
