I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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