I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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