I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
