Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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