I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
