She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
