It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
