In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
