lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
