You're completely useless in the revolution.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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