Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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