I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
