Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza