Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...