Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.