where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?