I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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