drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table