I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other