I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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