the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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