I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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