woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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