Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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