I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
