I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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