can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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