I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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