Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize