you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
