watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
