you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
