I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
