I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
