I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize