I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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