he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
