Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
