I think im going to throw up on grandma
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
