I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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