I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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