You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
