i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
