My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
should my penis look like a turkey
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
