Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
