I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
