Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
