hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
