im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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