I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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