I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
