I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
