I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
