just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
