omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
