Will you blow on my dice?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
