took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
