i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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