Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
